Ten Tips for Surviving Your Family During the Holidays
Not everyone is able to or chooses to celebrate the holidays with their families. But here are some tips for those who do.
1. Practice quality listening. Nod at appropriate times, and remember you’ll miss them when they’re dead.
2. Use inclusive thoughts and language. Avoid the “us/them” schism. There are no others, except in football.
3. Be an anthropologist. When your family starts showing off their guns and praising [insert politician] as an agent of the Lord, take a step back and think, “Now this is biodiversity.” Or, “What a fascinating study of southern values.” Or, “How great that they love me—a non-dual animist on the political fringe!” [Can substitute said labels with “person.” How great that they love me—a person! etc.] Leave the room if needed.
4. Honor your voice when it’s time to speak up. Nodding and humoring your relatives will see you through many topics, but respect yourself, too. Your voice doesn’t need to be divisive, or used to change anyone’s mind. Use it simply because you have it, and your words have value. Respect the work you have done to arrive at your perspective, and honor the worlds you represent when you speak.
5. Bring earplugs.
6. Reach for a glass of water and a breath of fresh air. Humans love air and water. Hydrating will replenish your tears. Then go for a walk in nature. Trees will always be there, calming the fuck down.
7. Embrace personal space. Take longer than you need to in the bathroom (aka, the recalibration station). Fake the trots if needed.
8. Accessorize for protection. The back of your neck is a physically and psychically-sensitive area. Chinese elders wear scarves to protect against colds and flus, and you can, too! I also like to wear an amethyst necklace my aunt Opal made; it’s like having a good friend with me at all times. Anyone with a neck can do these neat tricks.
9. Say something funny. Humor harmonizes. Leverage levity with a game of catch, Twister, Uno, etc.
10. Hang with the kids. No one’s saner.
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Be the grown-up you want to see in the world. But don’t beat yourself up if you fail miserably. We’re talking about family, after all.